Eileen Joyce - Hudson Institute Certified Coach

Helping a Grieving Friend

2010-12-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

When someone is going through devastating loss due to the death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or any major change that affects normal routines; the feelings of grief can be overwhelming. Grieving can hit us like a tidal wave or numb us like a stagnant pool of water. How can we move through times of significant loss, when change comes uninvited into our lives?

Sometimes the only thing to do is sit and be with the miserable feeling waiting patiently for a new feeling or thought to motivate us. Mostly we are in the habit of doing anything to avoid them. But, deep down we know the pain is looming in some corner of our mind, our heart, and our body.

When we are emotionally in pain, just like with a physical pain, it is hard to get anything done. At the time we need help the most, we are most unable to ask for it. Understanding this, if you know someone going through tough times, you might want to offer some help. Be specific about things you could do for them, because they may not be thinking very clearly.

Talking to a friend the other day, I learned that a family we both know is going through the recent death of their father, and now a sister has just found out she has a terminal illness.

We started saying things like, “oh how terrible” and “I feel so bad for them” and “I wonder what anyone can do for them. How are they going to get through this?” Just as I was about to change the subject because we were both starting to feel really bad, my friend said, “let’s do something to help even if it’s a couple of little things.” We made a list, things like; get groceries, make a dinner, do the laundry. We decided she would call this week and I would call the next week.

When people are going through devastating times, it’s good to remember they may not ask for what they need, that actions speak louder than words, and small things done with great love can make a big difference.

What can you do to escape from feeling bad?

2010-07-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

I find the first step out of feeling really bad, whether it’s sad, angry, depressed, or any other raw emotion, is to tell the truth about what I am feeling. Sounds obvious, but how many times do we do just about anything in order not to feel bad?

This morning I was feeling down in the dumps. I had low energy and no passion for my work or the day’s activities. Usually at these times, I keep moving, pretending I’m fine, counting on actions to keep me from feeling bad. I’ll keep extra busy today, I hear myself thinking.

Sometimes, I don’t want to even say on paper what I’m feeling because I judge the feelings to be a betrayal to something or someone, especially when it’s someone I love very much. In fact, I don’t want to believe I can feel such ugly stuff. It damages how I think and feel about myself.

Then I remember I can love someone, including myself, and also have feelings of great anger, or disappointment, or fear, or jealousy—you name it. Feelings just are. Oftentimes they need to be felt and acknowledged instead of pushed down or ignored.

Today I chose to stop and feel. I sat on the couch and allowed my thoughts and feelings to surface. I wrote of inadequacy, lacklusterness, sluggishness, and resentments. I wrote a bunch of icky stuff, letting it all come up and out.

The message came in a feeling of everything is OK, even though I’m having lots of uncomfortable feelings about what I’m doing and not doing. I gained a renewed sense of trusting myself and my work. Next thing I knew, I was reaching for the book I’m studying. I read and took some notes, and got up to get ready for the day. Yay!

Is it really that easy? The hardest part is choosing to be with the feeling instead of rejecting it as unworthy in some way. If we were to allow it, the message we receive might make a big difference in how we live and experience that day.

What does grieving have to do with living life fully?

2010-02-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

My work involves grief recovery and life fulfillment. What does one have to do with the other? You might ask.

By the time we’re middle-aged, most of us have suffered a major loss or a combination of losses. I define major loss as a life-altering circumstance that can cause drastic changes in one’s well-being and everyday routine.

When a major loss hits us, we get messages from friends, family and society like: Don’t feel bad. Replace the loss. With time you’ll be feeling fine again. You just have to get on with living.

The good-intentioned advice oftentimes hurts more than it helps. The tips and strategies and advice might be useful if it were our mind that was broken. But, it’s our heart that feels devastated.

So what does grieving have to do with fulfillment? A fulfilling life could be defined as a life full of what makes you happy, satisfied, and at peace within your heart, mind, and body. Each of us has our own individual specifics that further define having a fulfilling life.

Grieving is about telling the truth concerning how your heart feels, instead of sugarcoating how you’re feeling in order to appear like you’re a strong person, or acting like you can do everything just like you used to, or staying alone in your room instead of reaching out to those who love you.

Telling the truth is what leads to a fulfilling life. It’s not easy, because telling the truth can mean we have to allow others to see into our broken heart and confused mind. It’s not comfortable because our mask of “I’m just fine” is removed and we’re not even sure what lies underneath. Telling the truth and doing something about living that truth can be quite the challenge, especially when it means dealing with new circumstances and making even more changes. The truth heals our heart and soothes our very soul.

Taking actions that will lead to recovery from a devastating loss will open your heart and free your mind. Having me as your guide (or the right coach for you) is like saying yes to walking down an unfamiliar road, blind, with a wise, unconditionally loving elder guiding your way.

"Defining Moments"

2009-11-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

A "defining moment" is defined as a point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified. (Origin: 1980–85. Dictionary.com Unabridged.)

By journaling about some challenging times in my life, I uncovered something I’ve been grappling with: How have my defining moments affected my present life and work? What is my overarching personal and business message? As I live by it, how has it helped me?

My message is: The more we take responsibility for the situation we are in, the more we are capable of acting based on what we value, not based on what makes us comfortable. As we act from our values, from what we are passionate about, we have the strength and courage to think, say, and do that which ordinarily we just wouldn’t or couldn’t. When our actions are aligned with our values, we have peace of mind and an open heart. We give and receive more love. Our actions are more productive and fulfilling.

Daring to delve into the turning points in our lives—sometimes the most painful times—we end up more aware of what we really value in life. As we heal the deep wounds, we are empowered to take giant leaps in creating more of what we need and want. We gain energy, motivation, and passion to take on the present challenges we’ve been avoiding, sometimes at great cost.

Whether it’s getting healthy, recovering from a devastating loss, communicating with an estranged relative or spouse or child, or getting out of a toxic workplace or relationship, coming to terms with our defining moments can be an awakening of the courage and strength needed to take difficult next actions.

What are the defining moments in your life? How have they affected you? If you were to take responsibility for the circumstance most harmful to your well-being, what would be your next action?

The Wave of Grieving

2009-07-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

Whether you’re grieving the loss of your job or spouse or a way of life, some moments are horrific and some are OK. It’s a wave that sometimes comes crashing in and at others is ripples of discontent. How can we move through the challenging times when a change comes uninvited to our lives?

Sometimes the only thing to do is sit and be with the miserable feeling. Mostly we are in the habit of doing anything so to avoid the hard feelings of loss. But, deep down we know the pain is looming in some corner of our mind and our heart. It’s there within our body and we just can’t avoid it.

When we experience a major loss, our heart feels sick, badly hurt, even broken. How can we heal our broken heart? Is there an answer, or are there only questions that create a safety for the heart to say what it feels? Telling the truth about what you are feeling is an integral action in the healing process.

Who in your life can you safely say what you are feeling? Who will listen, without advising, judging, or changing the conversation? What do they receive in return for their love listening?

2009-07-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

Facing the White Space

When I’m not coaching, I’m writing. Each day I start my work by sitting at the computer. The screen and keyboard are my white space and pen. Their purpose is clear, but what is mine? Do I write because I want to teach, or preach, or just have fun? Is it a combination along with simply an expression of me being me? I ask myself what I’m learning, and giving, and receiving.

Books surrounded me as I was growing up. Reading was held as a noble way to spend your time. But I preferred interacting with others, which became a familiar past time… in my head. And since it wasn’t OK to sit and do “nothing”, I’d grab a book. I’d pretend to read, while playing and talking with my imaginary friends. I guess I could say I was writing. It must have been entertaining because I could do it for hours. What a blessing that reading was approved of in my house!

They say the artist has a challenge when looking at the empty canvas. When confronting my white space, what would happen if instead of thinking it might be tough, I would say: I’m going to the playground? Now that is fun. My spirit soars. I find a smile on my face. I write for hours, then stop, not knowing where to go next. I’m blocked, stuck, frozen in time.

I feel the hunger in my stomach, the desire to call so and so. Oh, any excuse will do. I need to stop now. I’ll come back later. OK, one more paragraph and then time for something else.

And that’s how it goes as we do what we love: Do the work, buckle down, feel like quitting, negotiate a bit more time, and then take a break.

Just remember, the purpose of our canvas is not just for producing, it’s also for having fun. Maybe when we call work—playing in the white space; we’d end up creating something new and feel the joy of a job well done.

What’s your canvas? What were you doing the last time you lost track of time?

What Exactly is a Coach?

2009-04-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

The first coach I ever knew was a gym coach. She was caring and supportive, and tough! She didn’t buy into any of the excuses we would offer and certainly didn’t get swayed by our whining.
As a result of her winning combination of communication skills, expertise in the game, and compassion in training and molding us, we went beyond what was comfortable on a regular basis. With her as our coach, we discovered the satisfaction of excelling as a team, even though on our own we were mediocre players.

Another experience of being more accomplished than I thought possible was with my piano performances. My teacher coached me through the challenges of difficult classical music, stage fright, and the ongoing struggle of routine practice. Even with small hands and average skills, I performed with passion and expertise, and felt the accomplishment of giving my audience the joy of hearing some of the most complex music.

As a personal coach, I teach communications, planning, and implementation skills. I’m the silent partner in producing seemingly impossible results. The purpose of a coach is to bring out the brilliance of their clients, working with them to open up new opportunities, and supporting them in taking the small steps, as well as making quantum leaps.

A coach is a teacher, a powerful listener and questioner, and an expert in moving things forward. A coach is the committed partner in enabling you to accomplish more than what is ordinary and predictable.

We can create our life to be abundant, fulfilling, and joyful. For most of us, having a coach in our corner is the surest, most effective way!

Everyday Losses

2009-04-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

The amount of peace within yourself is directly related to how complete you are about your past, both recent and long ago.

I find my mind is quite busy at times, working out conversations I had yesterday, or last week, or last year. Without those conversations of wishing things had been better, or at least different, my mind would be more at rest. I would be more at rest!

Here’s an example: I remember a conversation I had with a friend a week ago. It ended abruptly and we haven’t talked since. Now I play it over and over in my mind, thinking of what I didn’t like about what he said and what I should have said, and on and on.

Looking deeper into that conversation, I ask myself, “What loss did I experience?” Well, I didn’t tell the truth and that bugs me because it’s a loss of integrity. This leads me to thinking about what was the truth that I didn’t say that might have made a big difference in that moment? Can it still make a difference? Since the truth isn’t always welcome, is it worth the risk of irritating my friend or me? Still to be decided!

I know the freedom that comes from completing on the devastating losses in my past. Now, I’m discovering the joy and peace of being aware, and doing the work of completing on even the everyday losses.

The peaceful feeling of a mind free of incomplete conversations is something I am grateful for whenever I experience it. This is one of the benefits I have as a result of doing my grief and loss actions on an ongoing basis.

What is "grief work"? How does doing grief work restore my energy?

2009-03-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

I’m feeling lost right now. I’m stuck in not knowing what I should be doing. And even if I did know, I don’t have energy to do it. Then I realize when I feel this way, it’s a good time for me to write. So that’s what I’m doing. Writing leads me to think about and talk about grief—because grief is a very wide doorway to creating something new.

Grief work is not likely to prompt one to say “Oh, good! It’s time to do some grief work.” But, if you frequently find yourself not knowing what you “should” be doing and not having the energy or desire to do much of anything, you may be grieving a loss.

Sometimes grieving feels like sitting and not really feeling or thinking anything. It’s like white space on a canvass, the blank look before panic sets in, or being frozen and unable to move. If you sit in that feeling, a new feeling or thought comes in and moves you to another place—something a bit more comfortable. So, we sigh and feel glad to be out of the know-nothing, feel-nothing place.

Sometimes it’s the opposite. It’s the overwhelm of thoughts and feelings, or the feeling of something very painful. It’s so uncomfortable that we get into super-busy mode—too busy to feel anything.

Doing grief work is choosing to go into the places of the heart, mind, and body that are filled with pain. Sometimes we’re willing to go there because we’re just so tired of suppressing the feelings. We get exhausted by pretending and lying.

Choosing to delve into these thoughts, memories, and feelings, and ask what the message is, may be the most powerful way to create something new. Going into the pain may be the most direct route to generating pure energy and the power of our passion.

What are you afraid of?

2009-01-16T15:36:00.000-08:00

I heard myself saying if we’re not thinking and acting based on faith, we’re thinking and acting based on fear. And fear is a bad thing.

But, I believe that most things are not all good or all bad; that it's how we respond to a situation that makes for a positive or negative experience.

Let's talk about grief. What keeps you from dealing with the unresolved grief you feel from time to time?

Whatever the reason maybe, it has something to do with fear.

Let’s talk about fear. Mostly when we think about or even hear the word, we put it in a negative place. It’s something to avoid. Let’s change this and consider that perhaps fear is not a bad thing. What might be good about it?

Well, it is quite a motivator of action. It makes for a lot of energy. It has a message. If I would listen to the message, instead of working so hard to avoid the feeling of fear, I might just hear something really important.

I tried it out. I asked what am I afraid of? I’m afraid I can’t or won’t generate as much money as I need. And how I’ve made the most money in the past is by working for someone else. I then looked at the facts and they told me the most money I ever made on a yearly basis consistently was when I had my own company.

OK. I feel empowered. The next time I feel fear, yes, I might first get stopped and want to avoid the feeling, but then I’ll keep going and ask this feeling of fear, “What is your message”?

When I invite people to do grief recovery, one of their fears is that they’ll get stuck in the painful feelings and thoughts of the past. I let them know they’re stuck in those places already! It’s only by consciously going into the painful and conflicted memories that we can learn something new and complete something old.

In healing the past, we can effectively and more joyously deal with the present and create our future.

Don't feel bad...

2008-12-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

...that's a directive we've heard all our life. People say this even when we've suffered a loss. But, the truth is we do feel bad. Out of habit, when we feel bad, we suppress it and do something to make us feel good - even if it's for just a little bit, like eating something sweet, or having a drink, or talking to someone about their problems, so we can forget ours.

A different way of dealing with feeling bad is to really get in there and mess around with the thoughts, memories, and feelings. See them, touch them, think about the circumstances and the people involved. Facing them, not shoving them down once again is the work that must be done in order to create something new in your life.

Sounds like it would be painful. But, isn't it painful anyway? Do we really avoid pain, by pretending we don't feel it?

what is unresolved grief?

2008-10-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between being depressed due to unresolved grief and feeling overwhelmed and depleted due to your present circumstances like money problems, emotional issues, or relationship challenges? How do we know when we have unresolved grief?
Unresolved grief is the pain of conflicted feelings that surround any devastating loss. These conflicted feelings can show up as thoughts like "I keep thinking about him, but he makes me so mad, I don't know why I keep loving him", or "I can't get past the pain of my mom's death. It's been over ten years since she died, but the memories of those days plague my dreams".
There is help available to getting through unresolved grief by taking specific actions. Just as we can effectively solve other major issues in our life, there are programs to effectively help us move beyond grief.
The program of actions I have found for successfully completing on past grief and loss, either recent or long ago are spelled out in The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman of the Grief Recovery Institute. This is the 12-week program I lead.
Did you know there are over 40 losses that can occur in your life any one of which can make it nearly impossible for you to really accomplish what you once thought possible? The first step to dealing with loss is to tell the truth about how you feel. Talking about loss instead of keeping it buried deep in our mind and body will give you the little power boost to take the next step.

2008-08-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

I work with people who like myself are highly experienced and quite frankly, gifted. We're also a group of people who sometimes have challenges in achieving fulfillment in some area of our life.
Maybe it's about money, intimacy, parenting, or marketing our business.

What I find is we run out of steam when it comes to getting some of the most important actions done. It never seems that the action in itself is that hard, it's just that we don't have the energy left after dealing with the necessities of the day.

From doing grief recovery actions, I have the energy to do even some of the most challenging actions like speaking to groups of people I don't know!

When I tell the truth that I am grieving some specific loss, I can then allow the emotional feelings that I’ve been holding onto regarding that loss to move. As the emotion moves, I have new energy for action.

Emotions are energy in motion.

OK, here’s an example. Sunday my daughter left to go back to college. As I was walking to the car I was filled with sadness. Normally, I would push this feeling down and then I’d feel a sense of loss all day. I’d hang around feeling sorry for myself.

Well, instead of suppressing my sadness, I let it out. I cried, right there in the parking lot. Yep, just stood there and cried.

Then, like a miracle, I felt OK. I knew everything was right. I was filled with gratitude to have had the wonderful time together over the past month. I felt energy.

I went home and did the actions that were most pressing. Then, I took a great big walk.

what do you say to someone who is grieving

2008-04-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

Speaking through my heart is what I do when I'm having a conversation that makes a difference in someone's life. I "think" my thoughts (which aren't always clear, or even so nice), then I put them through the heart-wringer which softens, warms, and gives them that inviting tone. You know, the one that says this person really cares about you.
When someone dies, we are often at a loss for words as to what to say to family and close friends. We sometimes panic and say whatever comes to mind.
There is wonderful information from grief support services about what to say and what not to say. They tell us there are a number of things that are just not at all helpful. In fact, some can be down-right irritating to the griever, phrases like: Time will heal; and, Well, at least she didn't suffer.
As important, if not more important than what we say, is how we say it.
If we were to put our thoughts of consolation, through our heart with it's warming glow; magically the result is heartfelt words that get heard as truly helpful. The griever, even if for just-a-moment has a sense of not being so alone.
The critical difference is slowing down from our hectic pace when talking with a person who is grieving a major loss in their life. It takes a moment to stop thinking about you, think about the other person. Move your thoughts into your heart and say what you feel.

Steps out of the comfort zone

2008-03-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

I say I want to make a difference. I know deep down within myself that making a difference in someone's life-even if it's just a "little" thing-makes me feel good. I also know that feeling good about myself makes my life a joyful experience.
Then I remember what it takes to make a difference. It usually takes risking being hurt, at the very least it takes moving out of my comfort zone. And the bigger the difference I'm wanting to make, the more I have to be willing to risk!
This is where the rubber meets the road in the land of really living a joyfilled life. What I'm learning and reflecting upon is: making a difference is a one-step-at-a-time process like other worthwhile pursuits.
I can take baby steps, acknowledge the outcome, and go on to a bigger action. Tomorrow is the first day of a speakers bootcamp I'm participating in. I don't even want to go out speaking. But I know that as a speaker I will have the opportunity to take forward steps in fulfilling my heart's desire of sharing what I know and what I have experienced that might help others.

The Blessings of Doing Grief Recovery

2008-03-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

As I think about my purpose in the work I do as a coach specializing in grief recovery, I ask myself questions that others have asked me. What helps when I'm in that very uncomfortable feeling of overwhelm, confusion, sadness, and depression? Is this feeling a result of the group of losses I experienced in a short period of time? And if so, can I accurately say it's a result of grief?
If it is, just in naming it, I feel some power in dealing with it. I remember the definition of grief as "the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss. " (Grief Recovery Institute)
Yes, I sure had a lot of that. No wonder I feel stuck and lost sometimes.
Some explanation of why there are these times and what to do to get past it, helps me know it's a temporary feeling. As I allow myself to just sit and feel, I experience peace coming to my mind, a feeling of "I'm OK." I can acknowledge myself for the difficult times I've been through and that I am a strong and courageous person who has a lot to give to others as I take good care of myself.
Doing grief recovery work has me understand myself and my response in my daily circumstances and relationships. Notice I say "response." Before doing my ongoing grief work, I would be in an automatic reaction to stuff that happened each day. Now, I can more consciously choose what I say, what I do.
This to me is the true meaning of freedom - having the power to choose.
So, doing my grief work - that is, not being afraid to think about painful memories and feel those feelings surrounding tough times - opens me to fully participating every day in my life. It allows me to really enjoy my days, even the times that are not so comfortable.

Grief Recovery

2008-02-27T18:40:00.006-08:00

Can there be recovery after the death of a beloved one? If recovery means being able to remember my loved one and not be racked with conflicting feels, the answer is Yes. And I for one am so very grateful for that!
I don't ever want to forget my loved ones, but I do want to be able to think about them and not be thrown into figuring out how I could have changed the past. I want to smile about them and just love them without all the baggage of if only I had said this or done that.
Grief and recovery as defined by The Grief Recovery Institute: "grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Recovery is feeling better. It is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them precipitate painful feelings of regret and remorse. It's acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react.
Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever."
I'm finding I can live with great loss, because I've been willing to do my own recovery work. I'm once again finding joy in living and in fully participating in my life!

Rebuilding a life

2008-02-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

I'm continuing to do my grief work. It means looking back on how I've handled my life, especially those times after some great loss occurred. After the most recent death in my family in 2001, I followed my pattern of dealing with tragic events in life. I take care of the needs of those around me and I don't talk about what I'm feeling inside. I listen to others, but don't share my own breaking heart.
Now my work is to uncover those emotions that I must have felt but didn't express. I'm reading a number of books on grief and loss, but they're all about grief of a death or major loss within the past year.
I've been harboring these feelings for years. I'm thinking it actually doesn't matter that the deaths were years ago, that the feelings are the very same as they were when the death occurred. I can do the work and have some healing now.
The other benefit I have as I do this work is a deeper understanding of myself and all I've been through. With this I am feeling more and more joyful and I'm ever more able to contribute to others. And that makes me happy!

Valentine's Week

2008-02-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

Grief and Love

More than a decade ago my first love died. Remembering our time together still puts me in a swirl of emotions. I was thinking the grieving process just never seems to end. It’s truly the continuous ocean of waves of pain and sadness, joy and stillness.

As I reflect, I begin to understand the grieving process at a very deep level. It is the process of loving. No wonder it never ends. Grieving is just one aspect of loving. The other side of grief is love. There may not be one without the other.

Yes, we can recover from the anguish death hurls upon us. However, do we ever quite forget the joy and happiness of the love we shared with that person? I think not. And that's a great blessing! Our loving memories are home to both anguish and joy and everything in between.

Better to love deeply and risk loosing it, than not to love at all! Hear! Hear!

Listening, the quiet voice of love

2008-02-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

What does a grieving person need to hear? Are there any universal messages? Hallmark seems to think so. And I for one am thankful for that.
When I think back on the deaths in my family, I remember tones of voices, cards with messages, and calls from friends. I don't remember any particularly moving or memorable words that were spoken. I do remember small acts of kindness from people around me.
This week a friend's dad died. I've been grappling with saying the perfect words. But, as I sit pondering, I know when I visit her, I'll listen to her thoughts and feelings, and be there for her in a way that makes a difference.
When grieving, the most important thing we can do for someone is listen to what they're saying and quietly give our loving support. Mmm, maybe that's what we all need at least once a day.

pain to passion

2008-02-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Pain to passion: That makes it sound like there's a continuim, a straight line. If so I make the conclusion - if I take one step at a time on this imaginary line, my feeling of pain will eventually get me to feeling passionate about something.

Now, we know our experience of emotions is just not moving from one emotion neatly to another. It's not very linear! In any one moment I can feel really sad, pissed off, and angry, and also in love with the very same person! It's a jumble, all tangled up kind of feeling. No wonder there are times when someone asks, "how r you feeling" and say "I don't know".

I'm starting to get in touch with, be very conscious of, feeling two seemingly opposite emotions in the very same moment. My mind has to take them a part for a little moment, but my heart feels the two as one.

Pain, passion, like the front and back of my hand.

2008-01-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

What is grief?
It's defined with words like anguish, sorrow, suffering, sadness. When we talk about the grieving process, I think it's important to recognize that within that process there are many feelings, a multitude of different thoughts and memories. Grief is different for every single person. Just like fulfillment or success or any other complex concept. Grief, like happiness is a concept that we use to get an experience of some slice of life.
I experience sorrow and sadness when I think of someone close to me who has died. When I think of a memory of them, within that memory is not just the fact that they aren't physically with me, I remember some specific fun event and feel their loving embrace or some special thing they said. I feel warmth. I smile.
Ah, I see that what started off as "grief" morfed into a smile.
I'm getting the idea that I don't have to avoid "grief" because I can hold great sadness and also a sweet bit of joy almost in the same moment.

thinking about grief

2008-01-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

I'm wondering what has me continue to move my business into the area that has me need to deal with my own losses. Why would a person purposely choose to work in the area of grief?

Every time I ask this, cause I ask myself this same old question often, I get the clear answer: passion is the otherside of pain. Over and over again, I get the clarity that because I am so committed to people participating in their world, that means me too, I must be willing to listen to painfilled memories in order to free up and access all of the fullness of my joy!

With this wholeness we are more and more capable of fully participating in the life around us. I mean talking to people when we walk by someone or in an elevator or in the grocery store line. It's the little exchanges in a day along with the bigger social contacts that bring us out of own thoughts and into the world of our fellow humans.

It's fun to talk with people. It's fun to get outside of my head. I get pretty darn tired of my own thoughts! How about you-Do you ever get tired of being in your head?

Hello World

2007-11-05T15:13:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Welcome to my blog. I am Eileen Joyce and I am a business and personal coach.